The word sex can mean many things to many people, but often when people hear the word they visualize penis in vagina heterosexual sex. Possibly in the missionary, penis on top, position. This is the sex we are taught about. This is the sex we see on TV. This is the sex that makes babies.

There is nothing wrong with penis in vagina sex, but there are many more ways to feel pleasure and enjoy yourself. And what if your relationship does not have both a penis and a vagina? I have been asked many times, how do two people with vaginas have sex? How do they know if they have had sex when there is no penis to insert? I do not hear the similar question about relationships with two penises — I am assuming because people consider it sex once a penis has been inserted into a body part.

I have spoken to people who consider themselves virgins although they have received or given oral sex and/or anal sex, simply because a penis did not go into a vagina. If this is your definition of virginity, so be it. Personally the idea of virginity has always baffled me. Why does it matter so much, to so many people, whether or not someone (usually that someone has a vagina) is a virgin?

Pleasure, connection and orgasm can happen in so many ways.  All it takes is a little imagination. And the truth is that many people cannot orgasm by penetration alone. A little clitoral stimulation is often necessary.

I know people in a two-vagina-relationship, and I know that people often ask them how they have sex. First of all, it is rude to ask people about their private sex life. And, if there was a penis involved no one would ask at all. Sexual activity can involve any body parts touching any other body parts. What is important is that people are consenting to the activity and enjoying the activity. If you want to involve toys, involve toys! If you want to role play, role play! Involve as many people as you want, watch porn, watch each other masturbate, wear fancy costumes or kinky boots, tie someone to the bed, spank them with a hair brush or tickle them with a feather. Have sex on the kitchen table or in the shower. The possibilities are endless. If you are unsure what your partner(s) like(s) then ask.

Good sex begins with good communication. Good sex is not dependent on your sexual orientation, your gender or what body parts you do or do not have. Good sex is about feeling good about yourself both inside and out, trusting your partners enough to share your fantasies, likes and dislikes. It is about feeling confident enough to let someone else see you naked and vulnerable. Good sex is hard work. If you want good sex, make it a priority in your life.