Today I awoke to the magical voice of Billy Joel singing… “Tell her about it, tell her everything you feel, give her every reason to accept that you’re for real… Tell her all your crazy dreams… You’ve got to provide communication constantly…” And yes I have an old clock radio, which I love!
“Tell Her About It” is my favourite Billy Joel song. If you have never read the lyrics please do so — it could save your relationship. This song unpacks some of the secrets to a successful partnership — communication and the sharing of thoughts and feelings.
One of the biggest barriers I see preventing healthy and happy relationships is insecurity. Either one or both people in the relationship are insecure. We are all insecure at times, however, for some people, this insecurity is constant and possibly debilitating to the relationship. This insecurity may be unfounded or it may be due to the actions (or lack of action) of the partner.
Confidence is often seen as a positive quality and/or a turn on in a partner whereas low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity are often seen as a negative quality and/or a turn off. What I often see is a person’s confidence decrease within a relationship due to lack of communication, jealousy, lack of time spent with a partner, social media, unexpressed emotions, and misunderstandings. As the person’s confidence decreases their partner’s feelings for them decrease and they become less turned on by them which decreases the person’s confidence more and a cycle begins.
How do you prevent this in your relationship? Listen to Billy Joel.
Tell them about it: talk about your day, tell your partner what you were doing when you weren’t with them, share your thoughts and concerns.
Let them know how much you care: share your feelings, be vulnerable, and if you love them, tell them.
Pay them some attention: pay attention to your partner, get off your phone and social media and be present in the moment, listen to them, enjoy the small things.
Tell them all your crazy dreams: share your goals, fears, and dreams.
Let them know how much they mean: tell them what it means to you that they are in your life, how your life is better with them in it.
Do not take your partner for granted or assume that they know how you feel about them. Tell them, tell them often. Some people think that if you share your feelings too often or tell someone you love them all the time, these words will lose their meaning. I think that in today’s world with the amount of insecurity I see in people and within their relationships it is important to constantly remind people that they mean something to you.
Compliment them, give them a card that shares your feelings if it is hard for you to express them out loud. Make an effort to put your phone away and enjoy the person you are with. Have conversations. Make and enjoy a meal together. Find things you enjoy doing together and do them. Make your relationship a priority in your life and communicate about it often.
Stacey Jacobs has been a Sex Educator for almost 2 decades. For 13 of those years she worked as a Sexual Health Educator at Planned Parenthood. She teaches in the Sexuality, Marriage and Family Studies Program at the University of Waterloo and when not educating, she enjoys reading, walking her dogs and eating good food. The life of a Sex Educator is usually not as interesting as people assume.